5 Amazing Things That Will Happen If You Eat Oatmeal For 30 Days

Science has proven the old saying to be true: we are indeed what we eat. There have been a thousand and one unbelievable fad diets invented since economics increased abundance to be accessible to the common class through high calorie low cost food and society gave them enough guilt to think a bulging belly was disdainful.

Before you get worried thinking this is the introduction to one of those crazy paleo-lates meal plans don’t worry,  this is not one of those. This is proven science based in fact and research guaranteed to change your viewpoint not only on nutrition but on the very reason that food exists and we have mouths to eat it.

Superfoods! Antioxidants! For over two thousand years humans have been growing and harvesting oats as a food source and a medicine. As amazing as that is it wasn’t until just recently that we truly came to understand the power held within these simple grains.

Our team of foodie subversives put their meals where their mouths are and went to no ends to test this internet theory we read about on all those health websites so that you could put your minds at ease not only in regards to it’s validity but also it’s effectiveness. We’ve done our due diligence, we’ve crunched the numbers and the barley, and so we present to you these absolutely amazing things that will happen if you eat oatmeal for 30 days. GUAR-AN-TEED!

1 – You Will Be Full
When you eat stuff it goes in your stomach; this makes you feel full. Oats absorb a lot of water and so naturally when you prepare them in the traditional fashion and consume them with your mouth they travel down your esophagus and,for a time at least ,fill your gut bag.

2 – You Will Eat Less Meat.
Oatmeal is made of oats, not meat, therefore by eating more oatmeal you will naturally be likely eating less meat – not that this really matters in our opinion, but you are apparently the one scouring the vast troves of digital human knowledge for validation in even considering eating nothing but oatmeal for a month. Just think, in the time it took to read this shite article you could already be up the road stuffing deliciously crisp strips of lean fried porkie meat into your chomphole.

3 – You Will Need To Buy More Oatmeal
Let’s face it, 30 days of oatmeal is a lot of quaker damn oats. If this is your first time trying this experiment – why in god’s name would anyone do this on a more regular basis?! – you will likely have a difficult time in gauging precisely how much oatmeal you will need to support your voracious hunger for fluffy sweet grains. And what if you have company over? Maybe they will like to have some oatmeal, or if it’s the holidays, ever think about that? No, you only think about yourself.

5 – You Will Get Tired Of Eating Oatmeal
This doesn’t sound surprising at first, and understand we’re not just saying that you will grow bored with the monotony of a singular item menu over the course of 30 days ( which you will ), but rather that the overwhelming madness this can create will not be limited to just what you eat. You’ll start getting about half way through your month of oatie oat goodness before things turn strange…do you have enough oats? Too many? What could you be using all of this new open refrigerator space for? And then you’ll hit the hard stuff: steel cut. You’ll stay up late nights, losing sleep, alienating your partners, presoaking and babysitting a simmer to make the perfect Irish bowl breakfast. You’ll get mad when you eat a cookie that you thought was oatmeal only to find it’s not full of raisins but chocolate chips instead. Do you hear the cries of the Quaker’s, Clarice?

…if you’ve read this far you’re probably full of questions.
Why the hell did I even click this?
Why did I keep reading?
What happened to point #4?

None of that matters.
What does matter? Whatever you want to matter.
And if you do anything every day for 30 days you will see some kind of change – even if it’s doing nothing at all. In fact sometimes doing nothing can have an even more profound effect than direct action, although usually a less pleasing one. So decide what you want to happen, think about the steps you need to take in order to make it occur, and then take action towards making it a reality every day and in a month you will be far closer to that destination than you are now – I guarantee it!

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