Ask Auntie Agony: Growing Pains

Dear Auntie,

Why do girls always go for looks over personality?

Confused Nice Guy

Dear Confused,

Some people are more interested in looks, regardless of their gender. Others are interested in humor, intelligence, relaxed temperaments, or overbearing personalities. I’ve even been asked out because I have a wicked collection of puns to inflict on people. Who we’re attracted to is a mix of our personal preferences and our circumstances.
If you’re having a difficult time getting a date with the girls that you’re attracted to, perhaps you need to examine what attracts you to them, and what you can offer in a relationship to the women you’re attracted to.

Remember, Confused, if you keep running into the same relationship problems over and over, the common denominator in the problem is you. Self-examine, and figure out if it’s something in your personality that makes women choose someone else.

Auntie

Dear Auntie,

I am 24 years old and I recently moved back in with my parents. But they want to charge me 400 a month for rent, which i think is unfair because I am their daughter and they are supposed to be taking care of me. I have told them that if they charge me rent I will move out and never speak to them again. So do you think it’s fair they want to charge me rent?

Annoyed Offspring

Dear Annoyed,

Wow, $400 a month for rent? Do you think they’d take me in?

You’re right. They are supposed to be taking care of you, and that’s exactly what they’re doing. They’re giving you a major discount on your rent, not charging you a deposit, move-in fees, application fees, or making you assume your own utilities. I doubt they’re making you buy your own food, and I’m fairly sure they’d act as your roadside assistance if you got stuck somewhere in the middle of the night. Sit down and figure out what all that would actually add up to before you throw around threats to never speak to them again.
You have behaved very poorly. You owe your parents a sincere apology. They’re giving you a chance to dip your toes into adulting without throwing you in headfirst, and you should be grateful for it.

That being said, if $400 is a serious issue for you, sit down with your parents and request they help you put together a budget. If they see for themselves that their rent is a major hardship for you, they may be willing to lower the rate. At the very least, it will be a good exercise for you in figuring out where your money goes.

Auntie

Dear Auntie Agony,

My mom and I both work from home at the same company. I also live across the street from her, in a home I bought with my own money. I am 28 and I support myself. She is constantly ‘correcting’ me in areas where she feels that I am lacking. She feels I’m selfish, so she went into my house and helped herself to food from my refrigerator to teach me to share. She also borrows stuff like appliances without permission to teach me to share. She requires that I attend church every Sunday, and she lectures me until I agree to go. She made herself a key to my house, without asking, and just lets herself in. I even have to call her and tell her anytime I am leaving my house to go somewhere. She says that it’s to help me stay safe. Anytime I try to stop her, she says that God is directing her to parent me so that I will have a good life.

Smothered by Mother

Dear Smothered,

I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I am impressed that you have been handling this situation as graciously as you have.

There is good news and there is bad news. The bad news is that your mother has control issues, and there is very little you can do to change that. The good news is that you don’t have to change her. You just have to disengage from her. This is probably gonna get messy. There’s no avoiding it, so focus on getting out with the minimum damage to -you-.

Figure out what you can and cannot tolerate from her. If you’re okay with being lectured about church but not okay with her borrowing food, then tell her so. If you’re okay with her borrowing small appliances but not having to check in when you leave, then draw that line, and be very firm about it. If none of these things are acceptable to you, then draw that line.

Also, do yourself a favor. Change your locks, get a security system, and do not give your mom the code. You need to take your home back. You cannot budge on that one.

Auntie

Hi, Auntie,

So, I’m 26, and I have got a history. I’ve slept with a lot of guys, and a few girls. I’m safe about it. I use condoms. I make sure my partners are clean. I just really like sex. Now I’ve started dating this guy. He’s amazing. A little older than me, really sweet, kind of old school. We’re getting serious, and he now wants to know about my past. He wants to know about my previous sex life. I’ve been through this once before, and the guy dumped me for being a slut. I really like this guy. I just don’t know what to do.

Adventurous

Dear Adventurous,

First, what’s wrong with being a slut? If it brings you and yours joy, and nobody’s getting (non-consensually) hurt, bring on the sluttery and feel no shame. If you’re planning on having a serious relationship with this guy, though, you really do owe him your honesty. It’s better to find out now, before you get hip deep in a marriage or get each other’s families involved, if he’s going to have a problem with your past. I’m not saying lay it all out in a detailed timeline complete with scores, mind you, because that’s really no one’s business but the people that were there. I am saying that you need to be up front about your adventurous past.

Sadly, some people can never really deal with the insecurity of not being first, and it’s much better to know before you get too invested in the relationship.

Auntie

Do you have a question for Auntie Agony?
Email me at auntiesubversion@gmail.com or use the form to contact me with your problems.
You may get featured in my next column!

 

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