How To Be Successful Without Being A Total Douchebag

Everyone wants to be a successful person. You. Me. Them. Everybody.

It’s hard wired into our little monkey brains; even people determined to be complete failures at everything in life want to be successful at failing. You’ve read all those articles on INC and other douchetrepreneur fluff sites like “7 Things Leaders Do That Others Don’t”, “5 Things You Need To Do Before Making A List Of 5 Things”, ad nausea — this isn’t one of those, it’s much much worse.

We’ve put together some real world tips you subversive types can actually use.

Don’t Be A Dick
This is pretty much it. If you can master this skill everything else really hardly matters.
We could write whole chapters on what this really means but in essence this is done by listening rather than just talking, and generally at least trying to be a considerate human being. Get to work, most of you will need years before you even get close to accomplishing this.

Help Out
See someone struggling? Sure is fun to watch isn’t it?
But read rule one above! Helping others is one sure fire way to not be a dick while also actually being proactive in others success. What’s more if you’re into that whole ‘cosmic thing’ helping other people puts a few karma coins in the ole spirit bank so you’ll have to buy fewer Himalayan salt candles to keep your hippie stink down.

Please Shut Up
Got something to say? Keep it to yourself.
Chances are that helpful ‘constructive criticism’ you’re tempted to offer is just thinly veiled spite over someone at least trying to do something with their own talents rather than sitting around talking smack about people on social media. If you see someone trying, but falling terribly short, just shut your hole. It’s their failure to claim; they’ll be fully aware of how badly they flopped when the time comes – they don’t need you taking pot-shots at them before they’ve even had the time to face-plant on their own.

Get Off Your Ass
This is the step that requires personal action.
Which is why most of you should just give up now and go back to playing with your fidget spinners. While previous steps were mostly about how you interact with others, thus improving your chances for greater social acceptance and potential success, this next one requires you to actually DO something. Want to write a book? WRITE. Want to learn to cook? TAKE CLASSES. For every thing you want to accomplish there is a first step, and then following steps that you have to DO, putting forth effort to complete, in order to reach the goals that you say you want to reach.

No matter which of these bits of advice you take none of it comes easy.
Change is hard. Change sucks. But it’s necessary, and it will happen regardless of your efforts to the otherwise — so you might as well affect change yourself so as to delude yourself with some illusion of control or contribution to the direction of your fate. Surprise your future self, subvert your reality, claim ownership of your destiny, and hey, if you can help make the world a little better along the way that’ll really shake things up!

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