How To Get The Fuck Over It And Write

Writers block. Creative constipation. Call this mental malady whatever you like but it seems to be something that affects almost all creative types from writers to artists at some point or another. When the muse is strong the flow is heavy and things seem to just happen, when the muse is weak…better pack up bag go home Daniel-san.

But don’t despair! There is hope, there are things you can do to kick yourself into high gear and make that muse serve your purpose on command, and we here at Subversion Magazine have put together the knowledge you’ll need to make it happen – the larger part of that comes down to you taking ACTION, which is generally the larger issue and sadly something for which we can offer no assistance.

After all, if you can’t make creating the priority in your life that you claim it is we sure as hell can’t force you to do so.

Just Fucking DO IT
Hemingway said “anyone who wants to be a writer and isn’t writing, doesn’t” and it’s really as simple as that. To BE a writer you must WRITE, much in the way to be a swimmer you must swim or to be a baker you must bake. The first step to becoming the person that does the thing is to start doing the thing. You can sit there and daydream and have the most fantastical adventures in your mind but until you put it down on the page you’re not a writer, you’re just teasing schizophrenia.  Hemingway also said the first draft of anything is total shit, and he was right. The important thing is just to get it out, write it down, and exercise that word muscle – unlike your disappointing high school career you can go back and change the details later to make it good.

Do It A LOT
Did we mention just fucking doing it? Good!
Understand though, it’s not over when you get done writing that one thing. You need to keep writing, frequently, the same way you have to keep going to the gym frequently if you want to see results. It’s the repetition, the practice, that makes your muse answer your call on command and why shouldn’t it, the muse wants to create! It’s not a bad exercise to set yourself a goal of 500 words per week, every week. Write whatever you like – JUST WRITE – that’s the whole idea. The more frequently you summon those inner word daemons the more gently they will answer to your call.

Make Time
In many cases people can claim it being a matter of lack of time, or lack of time dedicated to this specific task. Well, make time. If it’s something you’re really passionate about and truly want to do you will find a way to prioritize the things in your life to make it happen. Maybe spend some time typing on the toilet instead of looking through so many dank memes. Wake up an hour early, go to bed an hour late, whatever it is you need to do in order to chisel out those precious minutes, make a way or make an excuse – only one of those gets it done.

Make Stuff Up
You can always come up with an excuse to write, even if it’s an article about how you can’t find anything to write or a list of five things you need to make before making a list of five things. And really, any good excuse that gets the writing done is better than a lame excuse as to why you don’t get it written. This article? Pure fluff. But it needed to be written, so I slapped my muse around a bit with some cold brew coffee and said go fix me turkey pot pie! Pow! This thing is getting written.

Don’t Make An Outline
Fuck your planning. You’re not writing a sprawling multi-generational epic novel that needs clearly defined character outlines to keep all of your thousands of plot points in line (if you are god bless you, but you likely shouldn’t need the kind of help this article provides), you’re writing a damn blog article, or some crappy spunk piece that will be half-read and forgotten before the month is out — if read at all — so what’s the hold up? Many would be writers get hung up in the planning phase, and while wanting to provide a quality piece is great if it never gets finished so people can read it what’s the point? Don’t get so busy planning and outlining that you don’t actually get the real writing done.

It’s not easy. We don’t pretend it is. We know it’s hard because we do it all the time. But because we have done it we know it’s possible, after all if a bunch of degenerates like us can pound our monkey brains enough to make the words that mean the things come out then anyone who has the will to do so can as well. Ultimately, that’s what it all boils down to: will and desire. Say you want to do the thing? Do it. Don’t say you do and then not. There’s enough pretenders in this world already. In closing, one last famous quote from Uncle Ernie:

“There Is Nothing To Writing. All You Do Is Just Sit Down At A Typewriter And BLEED…”

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